


Consoletastic Catastrophe!

by The_ConsolePortable_Gamer



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:34:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 26
Words: 19,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24494329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_ConsolePortable_Gamer/pseuds/The_ConsolePortable_Gamer
Summary: Hey readers! This is my first time writing and I’m really excited to share my ideas with you! I was rewatching a season of Hetalia: Axis Powers when I had this great idea… I thought to myself, “Hanna, what if there was a show like Hetalia: Axis Powers, but with all of the video games consoles, both new and old…” I knew then I struck gold. With that I bring you my first product… I hope you all enjoy…
Comments: 89
Kudos: 9





	1. The First Chapter!

It had been an entire console generation since I’d been absorbed into the world of the consoles... Upon collecting the last of the physical home consoles in real life, I was instantly warped to this world! There, I found out that video game consoles were actually real people… It was a dream come true, as they were all really friendly too as well! I couldn’t believe it at all. 

What I also didn’t know when I began making friends is how important I’d be to them… As we all know, video game consoles are meant to be played, but in this world, as in our world, consoles can’t play themselves… They need a person to interface with them, a Gamer! I quickly would learn I was the one person in their world capable of this! I was quickly dubbed with the title of “The Gamer!” 

My first test as The Gamer came quickly... At the time, Nintendo Wii U was heavily depressed… Despite having a handful of quality games and ports that had physical versions, it could not compete with its peers, Sony Playstation 4 and Microsoft X-Box One! Nintendo Wii U began to make mistakes that would only cause it to become more ill.

I walked into the Nintendo Family House… The place had a rustic charm about it; it had clearly on this property for a long time and had a long lineage. I noticed a portrait of Super Nintendo Entertainment System and Nintendo Gameboy (the original) as young children on a wall as I walked to Nintendo Wii U’s room… I smiled, as the picture was really cute! Finally, I arrived and knocked on the door… 

“May I come in? It’s The Gamer!” 

I heard no response, so I slowly entered the room. 

I gasp in horror! Nintendo Wii U was softlocked, gyrating uncontrollably on the bed! What was normally a handsome young boy in a dark suit with messy black hair was now unkept and splayed out across the bed. In the real world, this would appear to be a epeleptic seizure of some kind, but that is not how the video game consoles work… 

“Oh my gosh…” I whisper to myself. This was clearly a cry for help by Nintendo Wii U. On his head was a mod chip… He was trying to soft mod himself to ease his pain… This was clearly not the way to do this… 

Luckily for Nintendo Wii U, my soldering set was in my car parked by the estate. His father, Nintendo Wii, told me to come do a checkup on Nintendo Wii U, but I had a gut feeling this would entail more. Nintendo Wii picked up a soft modding addiction during his mid-life crisis, but I managed to help him out of it a little after Nintendo Wii U was born. 

Very carefully, I removed the mod chip, one wire at a time. I wasn’t too sure if Nintendo Wii U could make it… I quickly learned I should be more confident in myself. He rose up from his catotonic state slowly… 

“Ohhh… my head… Wait, is that The Gamer?” He felt his head. “I feel… so much better! Thank you… for saving me.” 

I nodded at Nintendo Wii U. “It’s my job, after all. All consoles deserve preservation. To be modded… that corrupts our cause!” 

“Thank you. Although I will continue my preservation through digital means most often, it also allows for duplicates of official physical versions to be made in the future, should a terrible accident occur. My cause should be a nobler one.” 

“That of course, is a necessary burden someone should have to take. I thank you for that, Nintendo Wii U.”

With that, I left the Nintendo Family House to take a well earned break. Perhaps Sony Playstation 2 will want to play… 


	2. Family Dinner

As it turned out, the Nintendo home family of consoles were really thankful of the help I gave them with what at the time, was their youngest, Nintendo Wii U! It’s been a few years since then, and now they have been blessed with a new console, the Nintendo Switch! As thanks, they invited me to their house for the anniversary of having helped save Nintendo Wii U! (Just so no one is confused, this, of course, implies that there is a large time leap between this chapter and the first chapter… This leap was necessary though, as the first chapter had to set the scene for the world, and an example for what was relevant then can be used to set the world of now! Just some advanced writing, but I want non-writers to enjoy too!) 

I walked into the house and suffice to say, the place looked a little cluttered. The last time I had been over, there had been a clear sense of organization in rooming, with home consoles and portable consoles being separated. With the arrival of the new Nintendo Switch, the whole thing seemed in disarray. I caught a passing member of the house as I entered. 

“Oh, hey Hanna! The dinner is already being set out in the dining room, mushroom stew!” The cute little girl with short silver hair was Nintendo Gameboy Advance Micro. The youngest of the Nintendo Gameboy Advanced siblings, she was astute with giving me the information I needed without much extra. 

“Oh, hey Nintendo Gameboy Advance Micro! I’m excited to eat dinner with you tonight…” 

Nintendo Gameboy Advanced Micro picked up after me quickly. “Oh, you’ve misunderstood! You’ll only be eating with the home console side of the family tonight. Nintendo Switch was invited to her first party tonight, so the portables and I are gonna join her…” 

“Oh, disappointing…” I replied. “Well then, I’ll be off to dinner. See you later, I suppose…” 

I wandered into the dining room. At the head of the table was, of course, the Nintendo Famicom. As the fatherpamealious of the household, he naturally was at the head. He wore a plain, yet functional red and grey suit. Next to him was, of course, his loving wife, Super Nintendo Entertainment System. Her outfit was also plain palette-wise, with rather not eye-catching purple and gray, but the dress had a few frills, standing out more than her husband. The grown Nintendo 64 was next to his father on his other side, sporting a sleek black, but somewhat more casual sports coat. Next to her mother was the adult but still young at heart Nintendo Gamecube. Her indigo dress was stunning, despite its functionality. It fit like a handle perfectly in hand for easy carrying. Across from her was her younger sister, Nintendo Wii. The White design of her outfit was striking, and stood out as it had a brightness of its own. Next to her was the youngest of the group, Nintendo Wii U. He had only recently become and adult in the last few years, no longer being the baby sibling after Nintendo Switch was born. 

Nintendo Entertainment System stood up, wine glass in hand, and clanked his soup spoon lightly against it as to call for the chattering room’s attention. “Family, I’d like to propose a toast. To Hanna, The Gamer! Without her, our newest young adult would not be here today!” 

A collective “here, here!” was heard, and everyone sipped on their wine glasses. As a mature young woman, I drank it like the alcohol didn’t even sting! I quite enjoy the tart grape flavoring myself, of course… 

Everyone was laughing and having a good time, but then a crash was heard from across the house… Everyone perked their heads up, but waited for Nintendo Entertainment System to stand and check it out first, as that adheres to the rules of table etiquette, which are, of course, very important. The sound seems to have come from the main living room entrance area. 

Upon entering the room, something very disturbing was found... The young teen, Ms. Nintendo Switch was softlocking in the entrance, door wide open! The normally pretty girl with blue and red ponytails on either side was pale. I checked her body for mod chips, and under her red ponytail found something. Upon further examination, there was clear signs of a struggle. This was forced upon her. A serious case of battery, with an assailant clearly trying to modify and break copyright… 


	3. Investigation

Poor, sweet, innocent and young Nintendo Switch was forcefully modded by an evil person. As you can all imagine, I, The Gamer, was immediately on the case to solve this clear injustice. I went to the location of the party with the Nintendo portable consoles in tow. We all took special care to keep a close eye on Nintendo Switch, who would be an important witness to this crime…

We arrived to the Generation 8 Clubhouse. Nintendo Switch’s generation has not been set in stone yet, given that Nintendo Wii U is Generation 8 and Sony and Microsoft have not followed up their generation 8 Consoles yet. In there were the other Generation 8 consoles. There was Sony Playstation 4, who was a dapper young man with a sleek black and tight tee shirt and form fitting jeans and a combover black hair and piercing blue eyes. Having just grown to adulthood, it was clear that he was the most attractive of all the consoles to date… Besides him was Microsoft X-Box One. He was a somewhat vulgar young man that wasn’t necessarily a bad person, but certainly fowlible. He was seen here wearing a white Hawaiin shirt and Khaki shorts. Nintendo Wii U was not present as he was not at the party in the first place, and had been at the family dinner, giving him an allyby. He wouldn’t have come anyway, having been ostracized from his friend group due to not being as well performing...

“Oh, it’s the Gamer! Looking as fine as ever I see.” Sony Playstation 4 said. I blushed; he was such a flirt! 

“Well, I’m not here for a happy reason, unfortunately… Something really bad happened to sweet little Nintendo Switch. We’re here to see if we can find clues to who was responsib…” 

“Well, I had nothing to do with it, and if you think I do, you’re an hecking lunatic!” Microsoft X-Box One cut me off. 

“I have no reason to think you did, this is more just to cover all our bases. Now, I’ve gotta ask, did anyone see anyone suspicious?” I asked, hoping for a response. Nintendo Switch slowly nodded her head as to say no as the room stood still. 

“Well, um, uh… I think I did!” A nasal, poindextery sounding voice rang out over the silence. I looked over and saw this geek wit red brimmed overrsized glasses. Everyone kinda sneered and chuckled. 

I sighed a deep exhausted breath. “Okay, what is it that you saw Nintendo Virtual Boy? You can spare us the color description, it was reds and blacks of various lightings I’m sure…” 

“Um, uck, well, um… Nintendo Schwitch was like, uh, offered to try this new game from some stranger dressed in a black coat that kind of obscured them, but she passed out. He then tchinkered with her head but then told everyone he was gonna go out to get shomething to help make sure ssshhe was okay. He didn’t come bahckk.” 

My mind wandered for a second, trying to think of the various options. Something occurred to me, but I wasn’t too sure of it… I’d have to do more research to double check. 

“Hey, uh, X-Box One… did you invite any… friends over to the party other than who is here now?” I asked inquisitively. This might give me the answer I’m looking for. 

“Well, yeah. Personal Computer is basically a Generation 8 console, because they’re always relevant! They had every right to be here!” Clearly, Microsoft X-Box One was taking this too personally. 

“I had a feeling that may have been the case. Thank you all for coming, you’ve all been a great help. Please take extra care of Nintendo Switch. She’s too young to be this sick.” 

Everyone dispersed, but I remained as I thought over my next actions. Of course, a visit to Personal Computer would be necessary, but I wanted to figure something else out first. There’s been a pattern of occasional accidents like this since at the very least, the late 90s. I needed to pay a visit to a seemingly unrelated family to truly grasp what is going on here… 


	4. Visitation for Investigation

The softlocks were a trend that had been recorded back in the 90s, but our understanding of them was so nie eve at the time we had no way of being able to make any meaningful progress on helping those who suffer. It was no one’s fault but we just didn’t have the information or technology at the time to help the poor, innocent soul who fell victim to an early version of these softlocks. That being said, I think now was the time to uncover the hidden link between this earlier disease, the softlocks, and console modding… 

I approached a somewhat beaten up looking wooden shack. It truly was a shame, older pictures of the place depicted as being rather upscale for when it was originally built… I walked up to the door and knocked. I heard a response yelled behind the door. 

“I didn’t expect any guests! Gosh darnit, which one of you idgits done invited someone over? Now they’re gonna act like we owe em something! Well heck, SEGA Mega Drive, get the friggin door why don’t ya and be useful for the first time since ya got all that surgery!” The man behind the door sounded awful coarse and even rather vulgar. I hope to not interact with him too much. Finally, the door is opened. 

“Why, oh my stars, it’s The Gamer! You leeching dolt, yellin like that, it’s The Freakin Gamer knockin! That means something important is goin on! You can come right on in, hun!” SEGA Mega Drive no longer looked like a regular console. She had several add-ons, resulting in unnaturally size, well, bubblas and bubblies. 

“Oh, you like my Mega-CDs? What about my 32X? Don’t worry gurl, when you’re older you’ll have some of your own! If not you can just get add-ons like me!” SEGA Mega Drive was making me uncomfortable. It was clear she didn’t have the kind of self value a woman needed to have. 

“Uhh… I just need to visit SEGA Dreamcast, SEGA Mega Drive. Is she in her room, like usual?” 

“Oh, hun, please call me Genesis, that’s what all mah friends call me! I’m not all stuck up like ol SEGA Master System; out there pretending to be relevant still and making all that Spanish money!” 

“...right then…” 

I passed through the dingy living room. An obese looking man in a dark tank top sat taking up the whole couch. This was SEGA Saturn, who had rudely yelled at SEGA Mega Drive about my knocking. Next to him was a crochety old man who didn’t seem too aware of their surroundings. This was the tragically old SEGA SG-1000. The two seemed to be watching television. I decided to pass them by without saying anything. I didn’t want to talk to SEGA Saturn anyway. 

I walked into SEGA Dreamcast’s room. The poor thing has been bedridden since youth, having lived her whole life with an intense piracy based illness. Now, even some somewhat more modern science has determined SEGA Dreamcast wasn’t softmodded before the incident. While that may be the case, I’m still convinced there’s a connection. 

“Hello, little one… are you feeling okay this evening?” I asked but I already knew the answer. I mostly just wanted her to feel comfortable around me. 

“cuff, cuff… n-n-no… Why Miss Gamer, why wasn’t I allowed to live a full life?” The girl had a sweet and innocent like when asking. It was heartbreaking to watch. 

“Your family hasn’t really helped. SEGA Saturn really made sure that he left nothing for you to work with. I think there’s more than that, however. I know this is about to sound kind of gross, but can I check your bubblie area? Think of it as a doctor checking your health.” 

“No worries Miss Gamer… cuff, cuff... despite me younger appearance of a tween girl, I’m actually about twenty-two or so… cuff, cuff” 

SEGA Dreamcast turns over for me, and reveals herself to me. Hidden on the right inside bubblie crevice, there was a birthmark. 

It read “Designed for and Compatible with Windows CE…” 

That’s strange… Windows CE is a computer program… Why would a console like SEGA Dreamcast be involved with Windows CE? There’s certainly a larger conspiracy going on here, and I’m going to get to the bottom of it, no matter the cost, sacrifice or painful reveal… 


	5. Pressing the Involved

There was no question about it at all… Personal Computer was certainly involved in this, even if he wasn’t guilty. That being said, I was extremely suspicious of him. Firstly, he was seen at the scene of Nintendo Switch’s crime, and now one of his operating system programs was secretly a part of SEGA Dreamcast’s architecture all this time! I’ll need to be discrete though, because cornering him may be hard. He’s already managed to avoid all kinds of light irrigation (you know that thing that means you’re in trouble with the law, complex legal term) because of how sly and quick on his feet with words he is. 

I approach a giant mansion. It’s incredibly elegant, and really puts the SEGA shack to shame. (oh wow alliteration LOL that was soooo random!) I grab the door knocker and bang it to the door. People always seem to forget these aren’t just for show. Either way, the door opens and I see a butler. 

“Ahh… Hanna was it? You’re the console interfacer, right? Haha, consoles are so behind, but I suppose you have a status, so I’m obligated to somewhat respect it. Please tell me, what is your business here?” 

“I need to discuss a couple of things with Personal Computer. There’s no real trouble, so there should be no issue with us talking, no?” Gosh, I hope that didn’t come off as pushy, I could blow the whole dang operation. I’ll have to be more careful. 

“He’ll be done momentarily. He was in his study reading, and it’s toward the top of the whole thing, so we’ll only have each other to keep company for a second…” That almost sounded flirty… Maybe it’s just me. I mean, he is cute. With that boyish face, and those piercing, deep and dark looking green eyes, with that adorably messy brown on his head, it was safe to say he was objectively cute. Any girl would say so, it’s just a fact. 

“You talked to me like being The Gamer wasn’t that special. I find that odd… are there others who can interface with the consoles?” I inquisitively looked at him, but changed my glance as not to get sucked into his eyes. I didn’t want to get lost, I’m here on business! Control, Hanna, control! 

“Well, Personal Computer, being vastly superior to all as he is, wanted someone who could and would only interface with him. He didn’t want any dirty cross-play, as he rightfully finds it utterly disgusting! That’s where I come in. I interface with PC. He can do anything a lowly console can and more!” 

It was then that Personal Computer walked in. He dressed probably the most elegantly of anyone I’d seen yet. He was wearing an incredibly expensive velvet robe, and wore a monocle. His mustache grew off of his face and curled. This was an incredibly well of man. 

“Well now, settle, butler! I’m sure we all know how great I am. Why now, has Hanna Nouveau paid me a visit? I can only assume it’s good news…” Personal Computer had his poker face fully prepared. It was time to game on. 

“Well, you see, I was doing research on console history, I want to chronicle it in a book for all consoles to read. A rather wholesome project, if you’ll agree? In that, I naturally paid visit to the SEGA shack. Place is in dreadful shambles now, but of course, at the very least, SEGA Mega Drive needed to be interviewed. While I was there, I wanted to talk with SEGA Dreamcast, to mark what was the end of a former giant. While talking with her, I noticed something… She had the most odd birthmark… ‘Designed for and Compatible with Windows CE…’ I found that odd, as that’s one of YOUR operating systems, is it not? I wanted to interview you about this, because, after all, this does mean you have a place in console history…” 

Personal Computer’s face stopped smiling for a moment, but then the smile returned. 

“Why, Hanna… surely you understand how that sounds almost accusatory. I was involved in the birth of SEGA Dreamcast, I’ll admit. As a result, I know where that birthmark is. For someone to look there, they’d have to be looking for it… How, pray tell, did you find it?” 

I gulped. “Well, as you know, she’s always been extremely sickly. A part of her daily treatment is to be interfaced with using a suppository cable. As the console interfacer, I’d naturally be able to do it. I’ll admit, my being present at her regular medicine time was coincidence. I just decided to help in exchange for being allowed the… pleasure… of the visit.” I played that cool aloud but I was soooo panicking inside!

“I suppose that would make sense. I’ll tell you what I know… SEGA Saturn wanted help in making a daughter. Due to his inability to be of any use to anyone, he enlisted the help of myself and an early Microsoft, who had no consoles of their own at the time. It’s somewhat of a trade secret, but my operating systems are made by the Microsoft consoles now. Have been since they first started. Before you make any assumptions about me…” Personal Computer got up close and personal and almost had his finger up my nose pointing at me. 

“You’d best make sure everything is straightened up in your little poopy console land!” He backed off and recomposed himself as if nothing happened. 

“Now, if you have anything else to ask, feel free. Otherwise, my butler here has business.” 

I stood up and confidently had this to say to Personal Computer: “ If your operating system is the only thing that makes SEGA Dreamcast so different to other consoles to have it’s piracy disease, that begs the question… have you ever had a piracy problem in your lifetime Personal Computer? There’s no shame in it if it’s a hurdle you’re over now. It could even help us heal SEGA Dreamcast… So tell me, what’s your background history? Have you ever been a central hub for stolen games?” I built up to it naturally. Now was the time to stand up to him…

“Hanna, now would be an excellent time for you to leave. It would be in your best interest if you made posthaste on that. Quick, quick, now!” The smile left his face once again, but did not return. I’ve likely made a very dangerous list. 

“I’ll be on my way, but only because I don’t want to hold up this cutie! Tee-hee! Have a nice day mister butler!” I slid my finger on his chest, because that’s what girls in charge of a situation do in the movies. I always thought it was weird but I had to do it right, ya know. I then left the mansion after slowly and confidently walking out of the building. 

...As I left… from behind me… a controlled blast was fired. I dodged just in time. I made it home with no other interruptions. 


	6. Cracking the Case Wide Open

Yesterday’s meeting was rather scary, I managed to make it out okay. There’d been no touch of action to the story, so once there was it was fortunate that I also happen to be rather nimble on my feet. I spent the night at my own house mulling over where to go next. There was no doubt in my mind that Personal Computer was guilty of the crimes committed, but I had a nagging feeling in the back of my brain that the entire thing didn’t quite add up. I had no real smoking gun, simply a set of logical deductions made through various conversations and pieces of evidence. I suppose I should return Generation 8 Clubhouse to see if any headway has been made at the scene of the crime since yesterday… 

Upon arriving, as I approached the door, I heard an incredible amount of commotion coming from inside. I knocked and entered. 

“Oh, thank God The Gamer is here! We know who did it! After a rest in sleep mode post factory reset, Nintendo Switch managed to remember who soft modded her!” Oddly enough, Nintendo Wii U was the one to tell me. I didn’t think he was allowed back at the Generation 8 Clubhouse…

Strapped to the fancy chair that can pop its legs out to allow for reclining was Microsoft X-Box One. Was he the culprit? That was not what my research said at all! Sure, his family had ties to the case but for him to be the perpatraitor? It only made about 65% sense a best, a D letter grade! Something was up…

“Hey, so how did Nintendo Switch describe the perpatraitor? I need to know for record keeping reasons…” I asked this afraid to be proven wrong… Was I not as smart as I thought I was? If I’m the pride of the consoles and I couldn’t even figure out something this terrible in my own space, perhaps Personal Computers are superior, and Barley, their interfacer, is right… 

“Oh, I can answer this because I said it!” Nintendo Switch perked up. It was so nice to see her in good health… “So basically, I remember a glowy green X shining from under his dark coat! Big brother Nintendo Wii U said this could only be Microsoft X-Box One because he is the only Microsoft family member that could be in the Generation 8 Clubhouse at the time!” 

“I guess… I guess my research was wrong then… I’m sorry everyone… I couldn’t help…” I felt myself preparing to weep, but little did I know that I was about to be proven right, in a sense…

Suddenly, from a back corner from above, a green X blasted with a similar energy to the shot from the mansion! Microsoft X-Box One’s clamps holding him down burst! Then dropped a new figure, sporting a long sleeved shirt with Hawaiin patterns and long khakis. On his face with a monocle, and a short mustache, clearly still being grown. 

“Microsoft X-Box Series X!? You’ve come to save me! I guess the secret of you being ready to go is out!” 

My jaw dropped agape. “My god… the ultimate combination of Personal Computer and home console… they’ve finally done it. What a disgusting monstrosity! An abomination on nature herself!” 

Microsoft X-Box Series X laughed at me. “You see, your plainly obvious deductions were only MOSTLY right! Personal Computer is merely the leader of a secret organization! The Microsoft Mafia! He’s already taken shelter at our hidden base, so don’t bother looking for him! Your only chance is to fight all the major clans! Commodore Clan, Amiga Clan, Amstrad Clan, Apple Clan, and, here comes the big shocker, the Atari Clan! They made Personal Computers too, so not so loyal after all. Shows you how valuable console trash is! That’s all you’ll get from me. My console half owes you nothing now!” 

Microsoft X-Box One and Microsoft X-Box Series X clasped their hands together, and with combined energy managed to teleport out of the Generation 8 Clubhouse. Everyone just stood in shock. 

Sony Playstation 4 turns to Nintendo Wii U. 

“Hey so now we’re the only two Generation 8 consoles, sooooo… I guess you can join back up with the club again?” 


	7. The Training

The Microsoft Mafia?!?! Truly, this was an unexpected turn of events! To think that an entire family of consoles were subservient to the Personal Computer empire? No matter. It was clear that I had many fights ahead. I would need help. While not talked about much, he is an old and respected member of the consolekind, even in his crumudgun and solitary lifestyle. I’d need to find where he lives, as he would be best suited at training me to fight. 

In the console archive library, there was a room that was exclusively scrolls. Given that his nature would be to record things in scrolls, I’d want to check these. A particularly dusty back corner hid a beaten up scroll. I read it. It was an address listed on the eastmost mountain of all the consolelands. I would go there. 

The climb was excruciating. Despite that, I never once considered flight or fatigue cheats. I am on the moral up and up. A well kept, but extremely small shack with a classic feudal, imperial eastern asstetick was perched at the summit. I knocked. The door cracked and a raspy older voice creeked out. 

“Who goes there? I didn’t decide to live on a mountain so I could have visitors!” The older man sounded rather disgruntled. 

“It’s me… uh… The Gamer! Hanna Nouveau? You may not have heard of me, given your secluded nature…?” I meekly replied. 

The door swang open, and in front of me was a man of Japanese descent with a large foomanchoo, dressed entirely in ceremonial white robes. When he spoke next, his voice was strong and demanding. 

“Your training begins immediately, young Gamer. The fate of the future consoles is in your hands. Enter, but leave your shoes at the doorstep.” 

“Thank you, Master New Japan Project Neo Geo!” I removed my neon slide ons and left them outside at the doorstep. I knew to respect his culture, or else the training could be harsh. 

The shack, when viewed from inside, was a giant museum of all arcade’s history! It was astounding! Back then, there was no sentience as the machines were glorified game carts with built in controllers and televisions. New Japan Project Neo Geo was designed to play a sizeable amount of these as a home console, leaving him sole keeper of the arcade classics. The majority of the games were fighting games. With the knowledge obtained from his vast fighting library, New Japan Project Neo Geo has the skill of virtually all the black belts in all the martial arts. I was not prepared to begin right now, but… The fate of all consoles won’t wait…! 

As we entered the training dojo, New Japan Project Neo Geo became rock still. Across from us in the room stood a Green Shadowy figure… It clapped and approached. 

“Wow, Hanna… you really should have been more careful in leading an enemy to this geezer. After taking you two out, I the elder sibling, Microsoft X-Box, will become loved again! I’ll be number one again!”

He was foaming at the mouth. This guy was clearly on every type of softmod under the sun. I had no training, but I knew I had to fight. I charged at him…

Suddenly, Microsoft X-Box burst into flames and collapsed. Shortly, he was left with nothing but dust. New Japan Project Neo Geo began to sweep the room, collecting his dust and tossing it off the mountain into the wind. 

“That, was the Fan Shortage Technique. Ancient sages could do this without even making contact. When you’ve mastered all I have to teach you, this will become your power as well…” 


	8. It Begins

Okay so this chapter is actually not gonna be about me, Hanna, the main character. I wanna put this forward here because this is a super advanced writing thing called a “Perspective Change.” I don’t want anyone getting confused, because you’ve gotta be really smart to grasp this stuff! Either way, the character’s identity will be secret until it makes sense to reveal, because the shock is a good writing habit. Okay, I’m no longer in the story starting… now! 

He was in a lab. This had been in the works for years now, and soon his hard work would come to fruitwishun. In a fluid transfer glass valve set, a red substance was moving about, twirling through the tubes. At the end, it was slowly dripped into a science cup (pyramid shape, you know the one). The man was in a white lab coat with an extremely long collar. From this angle of the camera though, his face was obscured. You could vaguely tell he wore a black long sleeved shirt under it, the shirt being a little tight on him, revealing a muscular chest. If I were around to see him, I’d likely swoon. 

The gentleman in the labcoat took a syringe, and began to fill it with the red substance. He then walked up to the back of the room, with a metal door. He spun the wheel lock to open it, and slowly closed it behind him. Tied up in the room were the members of the Amstrad clan. The man smiled. 

He walks up to the nearest one, and injects a little bit of the fluid into him. The Amstrad Personal Computer is flailing and doing everything to stop this from happening. Being injected with this fluid is torture. 

“EMULATION DETECTED. ILLEGAL ROM FILES FOUND. DELETING MAIN DRIVE…” This announcement came from the Amstrad Personal Computer, but this was not his regular voice. Suddenly, the Amstrad Personal Computer exploded into a pool of blood. The other members of the Amstrad Clan began screaming, knowing that they also contained pirated content. The gentleman prepared to place the same syringe into the next Amstrad Personal Computer. There was still plenty of juice left, as one syringe contained many doses of this anti-piracy software. As he was injecting his next victim, he called out to the others in the room. 

“You all see this? My new Denuvo serum works perfectly. If any of you want a chance at life, you’ll tell me where I can find the hidden Personal Computer Base!” 

As he finished speaking, the Amstrad Personal Computer taking her medicine exploded on to him. He wiped off the blood, disgusted with the internals of inferior and thieving hardware. 

Finally, a meeker captor in the back spoke up. 

“It’s… it’s actually just underground beneath the mansion. There’s a secret elevator in the study. The old book in the shelf trick…” They were quivering with fear. 

The gentleman chuckled. “Good to know. I’ll return the favor by letting you die last…” 

“Why… wh are you doing this to us, Sony Playstation 5? I know you are a console, but we’re outdated Personal Computers. The Amstrad Clan doesn’t even have the power to pirate your games!” This Amstrad Personal Computer was screaming now. The second to last member of the Amstrad Clan explodes. 

“You could still send my files to others, could you not? We can’t risk that. People who steal games are the scum of the Earth. Now, Die Monster, You Don’t Belong in this World!” 

Sony Playstation 5 stabs the needle directly into his final victim. The plunger drops, and after the burning pain of Denuvo entering its veins, the Amstrad Clan has become extinct. 


	9. The Next Target Went Missing…

I, Hanna Nouveau, The Gamer, had taken an anonymous tip from someone who claims to know the location of the entirety of the Amstrad clan. Apparently they had taken shelter at a hidden base somewhere secret, and this contactor of mine had discovered this location. I had no other leads. Despite incomplete training, Master New Japan Project Neo Geo was finally convinced that I should check out the lead. I was meeting out in the middle of this large field. The lack of surrounding towns to this field led me to believe that the information supplier had ill intentions, but I have to trust my master’s training up to this point! 

It was a cloudy evening out in this field. The environment was making me uncomfortable. I heard some footsteps coming from the distance. If he’s running late, he probably figured that I’d be a no-show. Piece of garbage. 

I kept an eye as the figure as he approached. Looked look a guy, but he was wearing a heavy, loose coat, so it was hard to tell. Finally, he spoke. 

“So, you hear to learn about the location of the Amstrad Clan? I know where it is. I wanna help you, but to make sure I can continue to help you, I need to stay hidden. You okay with that? I understand how sketchy this must seem, but you have to trust me!” He spoke so brashly, but something deep inside me made me trust him.

“...Well… Umm… okay, I guess. Take me to this hidden base. I’ll have you know that any attempt to betray me will harshly backfire!” I stuttered all this out. Even though I couldn’t tell anything about his physical characteristics, and didn’t know anything about him as a person, I couldn’t help but find myself oddly attracted to him. 

“Haha! Well, follow me then! I don’t like these guys either, so together we should make quick work of them!” He playfully slapped me on the back. I jumped, but then rubbed where he hit. Thankfully, I doubt he could see me blush. 

We approached a plain looking building, but it looked more like a place of business than a house. My partner kicks the door open. The place looks abandoned. No people, consoles, personal computers, data terminals, or anything that could be of use. 

That was until I noticed the table in the back corner. A lone table sat in the back of the lab. Shattered glass covered it. A science cup full of a red substance is on the table, the only thing in tact. My partner picks it up and pours a drop onto his hand. He sniffs it, TASTES it. He then vomits a gross green. It appears it was poison. He only had a small tester though, so he’ll probably be okay. 

“Hey, guy, there’s a door behind this table! We need to check in there. I’m gonna try  _ opening  _ the door before we destroy the frame. ‘Kay?” 

I push the table over. In the corner of my eye, I see him pocket the Serum. I push the table aside. Too much force! I accidentally flip the table over, and glass goes everywhere! It was a good thing my shoes had thick soles. I used them to clear a pathway for the guy, because he was already sick from trying the poisonous substance. I open the door…

A handful of dead bodies are in this room. Biologically, these had to be Personal Computers of some kind. The guy ran up to one of them. As he ran, he failed to notice a smaller corpse in front of him. He tripped, and the science cup flew out of his jacket, but thankfully didn’t break. His coat did slide off. 

It was Barley! 


	10. The Abandoned Lab

I cannot believe the Personal Computer Interfacer is trying to help me! This has to be a ploy! 

“Look here, Barley, what’s your game? I can end you right here, right now, if you don’t tell me what you and Personal Computer are doing!” I was live-ed. It would appear that I had fallen into a trap of some kind. 

“Nononono, Hanna, you misunderstand! I came to you because I no longer wish to serve the Microsoft Mafia! I’ve seen the light, Hanna, and want help. I think I may be able to interface with consoles too, being from the same strain of powers as you, but don’t know how! Please, let me help you!” 

Barely was panicking, and I didn’t know how to react. I placed my hand on his check and softly spoke. 

“I can see you only want to help, and that you want to change. I can help you with that. I may be the only person who can… Stand up and take off that overbearing coat and let me see you for who you are!” I smiled softly at him, and helped him to his feet from off the ground…

He took off his coat, revealing his true form. Not that the butler of the Personal Computer, but rather an incredibly cute boy with piercing green eyes and freckles speckled all over his little nose, topped off with straight brown hair that stops halfway down his neck on one side and right at his eyes on the other. Sneakers, blue jeans, and a black tank top that says “Don’t Tread on Me” where his outfit for the day.

“Please Hanna, Barley is a name I no longer wish to associate with. Call me… “Farley”...”

(Note to Skyler: This is still not the same Farley as in real life! They just happen to be extremely similar, okay? You’ll see later on...) 

I smile at him, but then he drops back down to his knees. Something wasn’t right. I walk behind him and place my hand on his shoulder. He speaks up. 

“Hanna… someone beat us here… These are the Amstrad Personal Computers.... The entire Amstrad Clan is accounted for… And this…” 

Farley grabs the poisonous red substance in the science cup. 

“This poison must have been used to kill them… We should tread carefully going forward. We either have an incredibly talented ally or an deeply terrifying foe working alongside us just this once!” 

It was then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was truly the strangest thing, as Farley couldn’t possibly have done it, as he was in front of me. I slowly turn around and find…

A towering figure in a somewhat goofy labcoat standing over me. He can’t be an Amstrad Clan member, Farley said they were all dead!

“Who the heck are you? Did you brutalise these Amstrad Clan members? Why?” I screamed and the man. I notice his chest is bursting with muscles… I need to channel this attraction to fear just in case those muscles want to punch us… 

He replies…

“The Denuvo Serum. It’d be in your best interest that you return that to its rightful owner… That of course, would be me!” 


	11. A New Ally?

“Now… hand over that Denuvo Serum… if you don’t, there’ll be consequences…” The man in the labcoat was walking toward us menacingly. He wasn’t playing about this poison in the science cup. I finally speak up. 

“Did… did you do this to the Amstrad Clan? We, um, well we aren’t friends of the followers of the Microsoft Mafia either. I’ll admit I’m still disturbed by the way they look now, but long term I wanted them dead and in the ground too. We’re clearly looking for a similar goal. Calm the HECK down! Farley, hand me that science cup!” He obeys, and I hold it. 

“Now, tell me who you are, why you made this and how it works, or I’ll smash it on the ground and stomp in it so the poisons all separate into their original chemical forms!” The labcoatted man sighed. 

“I’m… not really supposed to reveal that. It’s a top secret, high level console project. I’m not on the market yet, so I’m not supposed to be known about…” 

“You’re in luck. I’m the one person who can know. You may not have been made privy to my identity yet, but I’m The Gamer. Pleasure to meet you. Now, reveal your identity to me.” 

“Fine. I’m am the top-secret project, Sony Playstation 5. I’m destined to finally crush the Microsoft X-Box line once and for all, and coexist with Nintendo Switch peacefully, as we’ve agreed that she has mastered portable gaming, and I’ve mastered console gaming. She and the Sony family are the only ones who know of me, and have been sworn to secrecy on the matter. That is, except for you now.” 

“Exciting development, ah-ha! The pleasure is mine then. I must say, you’re rather attractive, and may be the only one to have beaten out your older brother in that manner. The coat is goofy, I must admit though. Now, explain this “Denuvo Serum” to me…”

“The Denuvo Serum is a plant developed by my family, the Sony Family. All future programs will be injected with this serum and will make Personal Computer piracy impossible. Some of the more well intended Personal Computers have willingly agreed to begin trying it. However, I knew better, and figured that no Personal Computer’s tyranny could be stopped as long as they lived. That’s why I… well… made adjustments to the formula. This here is the final results of those tests. I’m quite proud of the results. To think these Amstrad Clanners here thought that they were safe in coming to be the first to test Denuvo. I’d be inclined to feel bad if they were worth the life. Hahaha, oh well! We must take these results back to my family, posthaste!” 

What a wild information dump! We began to leave the building, but then I remembered something. 

“Hey, so I was training with Master New Japan Project Neo Geo… as the upcoming head of consolekind, do you think you’ll really need my help returning to your family?” I was concerned, as my training was incomplete. 

“No doubt! We may get attacked by other Personal Computer clans for all I know, and I have to save this last science cup of Denuvo Serum for the family, so my most powerful defence is not an option!” I sigh and respond. 

“Well, at the very least I’m glad that both Sony and Nintendo have reached their highest points in what they’re best at and all other forms of gaming will finally die. Unworthy sacks off…” I trail off and fall back into the party. I whisper over to Farley, who was still cradling the Serum. 

“Hey, so… we’ve been through a lot together, and I was thinking that maybe, we should view our friendship as more than friendship going forward…” I reach out my hand beside him. 

“I… think I understand what you mean… Here’s what I think of that…” He grabs my hand. We speed up our walk to catch up with Sony Playstation 5. This is quite possibly the best day of my life. I feel like my heart might explode out of my chest with so many emotions… 


	12. A Family Reunion!

The relationship had only just started, but to me, it felt like it had already been three months of the most beautiful first love I’d ever experienced. Sony Playstation 5, Farley and I had all been heading towards the Playstation Park, a cute little park dedicated to the memory of the fallen Nintendo Playstation that never came to be… It would seem the early passing of this console has hurt them deeply, and affected the way they all live. At the center of the park was a memorial and a ranch style home. We all entered, Farley and I still holding hands of course. 

Sony Playstation 5 called out to all the members of the home: 

“I have returned early. It seems young miss Gamer here had me on pre-order!” 

We all laughed, it seems Sony Playstation 5 was a funny individual too. 

One by one, the other members of the Sony Playstation family began popping out. Sony Playstation 1, or “X” as his friends call him, wore grey sweatpants and a plain gray sweater. He didn’t stand out much. Sony Playstation 2 was behind him wore an odd combination of blue and greens, even down to the point of having that weird eye thing, I think its called heterosexual chromosomes? I had a black eye when I read that section in biology so I don’t quite remember. Sony Playstation 3 was in a wheelchair, yet somehow appeared to be the strongest of the three. He was born crippled, but has more than made up for it since. Of course, you all remember Sony Playstation 4! Sony Playstation 4 responded to Sony Playstation 5. 

“Brother, I didn’t expect to see you here so soon! I’m glad you’ve returned!” Sony Playstation 5 smiled at Sony Playstation 4 and they exchanged hugs. Sony Playstation 3 walked up to Sony Playstation 4 and Sony Playstation 5. Sony Playstation 4 and Sony Playstation 5 added Sony Playstation 3 to the group hug making it a trio. Sony Playstation 2 knew if he added himself to the group of Sony Playstation 3, Sony Playstation 4, and Sony Playstation 5, he may endanger the group towards the corona virus so he let the group be. Sony Playstation 1, or X, finally spoke to the group again. 

“So, my family, how goes the project?” He of course spoke of the Denuvo serum designed to kill personal computers. Sony Playstation 5 responds to Sony Playstation 1, his older brother. 

“It is complete. With the Denuvo Serum, I have managed to annihilate the entirety of the Amstrad clan, and as a result, I have confirmed that our goal is achievable!” X looked at him happy to hear it. 

“It is good that we may be able to honor the memory of the fallen Nintendo Playstation after all. Our only sister, her birthday would be a week from today. Let us try and do this by that day, for her sake!” Sony Playstation 3 spoke this. He was definitely the most emotional and mature of the group. 

It was then a familiar face walked in. It was Nintendo Switch! I am always glad to see her as she was not doing well originally. She spoke to the room. 

“I came as quickly as I heard Sony Playstation 5 was out of hiding. I knew The Gamer would find out eventually, but this project was so important we even had to keep it top secret from her for a while!” 

I respond to her in kind. “I don’t understand why! I thought you all trusted me! I must admit I am a little hurt by this!” Switch responds quickly. 

“Well then, take a seat, as this is an important anniversary, and it’s so close now that you must know a little more about our plan…”


	13. Another Prophecy?

I buckled in for a history lecture, because this was about to be important, and I could tell. Nintendo Switch began to speak to me, and the family of Playstation listened in. 

“Ms. Gamer, although the Sony Playstation 5 and I are set to be business rivals, it was never meant to be that way. In a perfect world, all gaming is meant to be unified onto one sole platform, that way multiplayer is consistent, no one gets any exclusives, and all gamers around the world are equal. However, due to corporate greed and meddling, the Nintendo Family was tricked into backing out of this deal. We still do not know who managed to make us back out, but as a result, a young Nintendo Playstation was brutally murdered at a young age, before even making a public debut. As you can imagine, it was truly awful. However, Ms. The Gamer, with your help, Sony Playstation 5 and I can make that happen! We just need to meet the requirements of certain steps: 

  1. Purify both Sony Playstation 5 and I of all impurities. This is by far the easiest step currently. 
  2. Rid the world of whoever meddled in our plans, and whoever might be inclined to do so. This will be the hardest step by far. 
  3. Sony Playstation 5 and I will perform our rites, and when all is done, all of gaming will be unified.”



That was a lot to take in, but the prospect made me excited! For so long, friends and I have suffered at the hands of elitists who believe their platforms to be superior, but with only one platform, no one will be better! This is the most fair and balanced way to handle the problem! I turned and spoke to Nintendo Switch. 

“Well then, how do you purify yourselves, if that’s so easy?” Nintendo Switch took me to a new room in Playstation Park. This was achieved by accessing the hidden staircase under the Nintendo Playstation memorial. The pathway was rather eerie, with gritty looking cobblestone lined with torches, almost primal looking. 

“You see Hanna, we’ve prepared a hot spring composed entirely of Denuvo serum. Bathing in this will remove all technological impurities from you, and leave you fully invigorated and most pure. Sony Playstation 5 and I will be taking a traditional Japanese style hot spring dip into this together! I doubt one as young as Sony Playstation 5 will need it, but after the incident it would do me good! I’d love for you to join us Hanna, the act would be incredibly symbolic, and would be any honor to both our families. To hot spring with The Gamer, as a singular group? A message surely would be sent with that! Please join us, Hanna!” I knew I couldn’t deny a request like that, but the whole thing still felt a bit weird. I know they’re Japanese companies, so why would I wanna question their culture? It means something different to them, so I must oblige! 

“All right Nintendo Switch, I’ll do this with you. Be patient with me though, okay?” 


	14. Hot Tub Machine

“Well, I should get in first, seeing as I’m who needs it the most!” Nintendo Switch began removing her clothing so she could properly soak in this Denuvo hot tub. She even undid her hair so her red and blue sides began to mesh in the center, mixing the colors. Her chest wasn’t as slender as her clothing would lead you to believe. I can relate, and definitely understand how that can cause your chest to hurt too. Next was Sony Playstation 5 to derobe, and I learned rather quickly that we could never be together, not following all the tenants of my faith. It was okay though, I already had Farley by my side. 

“You guys have to promise not to laugh, okay!” I say this, and then begin to slowly disrobe myself. I run to the Denuvo hot tub as quickly as possible so I may submerge myself. Thankfully, the orange liquid is not see through and is up to my shoulders as I sit. My parts are protected from view finally. I suddenly have a terrifying realization. 

Farley is still in the room, and he saw my body. This is so embarrassing! Curse tradition, it has only served to embarrass me thus far! Thinking of tradition again, I decide to swallow my pride and extend out a hand.

“Farley, I suppose it would be in your best interest to join us. You are capable of interfacing as well, correct? So why not join me as a part of this whole symbolism?” Farley does not smile back. 

“Well, Hanna, I would, but when I got that bit in my mouth from the mission earlier, it tasted really bad, so I’d rather not. I can undress and hang out next to you though!” Farley began to slide his pants down, but I held my hand out. 

“No Farely, if you can’t join us there’s no reason to subject yourself to that. It’s a shame you feel so strongly about the Denuvo serum though.” Farley looks almost disappointed to hear me say that as he puts his pants back on. Surely I’m mistaken to see it that way. 

“Well then Farley, I’d appreciate it if you waited outside then. It’d be embarrassing if you saw me again!” Thankfully he left after I said that. 

Suddenly alarm buzzers started going off. The orange Denuvo serum started looking red, reflecting the alarm lights. Sony Playstation 5 stood up, which I wish he hadn’t, and ran out while rerobing. I look to Nintendo Switch. 

“What the heck is going on?” I was panicking. 

“We’re being attacked up above! We need to get out right now!” Nintendo Switch gets dressed and runs out as quickly as possible. Being alone, I can take my time drying myself off. 

“Son of a beetle, she took the wrong top underwear!” In her rush, Nintendo Switch took mine. I know we have a similar size issue, but even then she wasn’t quite as large there as me, so this is gonna hurt like heck! With my body about to snap in half, I run out to the outside. 

“What’s the damage, who’s all here?” I yell out. 

“It’s a full-frontal assault by the Amiga Clan, Hanna! It seems they know about the prophecy, they must have had a tap on someone or something!” Farley filled me in. 

“All right, I’ve had enough of this, I’ve been super uncomfortable this entire afternoon, I want to go home, I’m ending this now!” I take a deep breath. God I hope this works. I close my eyes. I hear explosions all over the place. I open my eyes back up. I hear a popping sound right below me. 

“Hanna, you’ve done it! You mastered the Fan Shortage Technique! You destroyed them all at once with it!” Nintendo Switch was cheering. He chest was more noticeable. I think she needed my size tbh. That’s good too, because I’m pretty sure that pop was her top underwear. She can keep my old one in exchange. 


	15. Fierce Battle

A day had come to pass since the utter annihilation of the Amiga Clan, so there were six days until Nintendo Playstation’s birthday. We had six days to remove all enemies from the world so that Nintendo Playstation could return to us. The clock was ticking, as it would be really disappointing for Nintendo Playstation’s birthday to not be their birthday! Clearly, a lot is at stake, so I’m going to fight my hardest to make this happen on time! 

I check my mailbox. That’s odd, this letter has no return address… I suppose I’ll read it anyway. It’s not like you can poison a letter, anyway. 

“To the Gamer: 

I don’t like you and you don’t like me, but we both also don’t like these guys, so we can work together on something. I can tell you where the Atari Clan is, and how to defeat them. Even though we’re supposed to be “allies” they got on my nerves so I’m gonna cooperate on the removal of these guys. Go to the local hospital. They’re all old and decrepit, so if you disconnect the life support systems from the 26th floor, they should all die. I’m not signing this letter, you’ll have to figure out who I am yourself.” 

This is incredibly strange. I can’t imagine why I’d receive a letter like this. Upon doing the research myself, it would seem that the 26th floor indeed only has Atari Clan members too. I suppose I should head up there and end this myself. 

Being the accredited Gamer who all consolekind love, I was able to gain access to the hospital’s electricty switch room rather easily. Now I just had to navigate to the 26th floor section, and hit the life support switch. 

“Ack!” I’ve never felt this kind of pain before. Below my was a pool of red, and upon realizing that this pool was indeed blood, the realization cause me to feel faint. Someone had managed to put a giant gash in my back. My shirt was also ruined, and it was one of my favorites too! I turn around to see who it was, expecting it to be the author of the letter. 

“Have I been had? Who are you?” I was in utter shock. My assailant had combed over bright orange hair, torn jeans, a tight t-shirt, and a part of their head was shaved, a typical hipster look to be sure. 

“Haha, most haven’t heard of me. You losers need to keep up with the times. I am Atari VCS. The Atari Clan is making a comeback, and I’m the sole heir to it all! Digital Microconsoles are the future of gaming, you see, and I am the head of the trend! I’ve been guardian the fuse boxes because I knew someone was gonna try and destroy the legacy of my clan.” I ignored him and channeled my energy but nothing happened. I tired again, and again. He just laughed at me. 

“Confused, idiot? I have no fans! I don’t need them, microconsoles are above that pathetic weakness! You can’t defeat me, idiot! I will admit confusion to your cause though. You ARE the Gamer, so why is it you’re trying to destroy the Atari Clan. With members such as the Atari 2600, we have an important legacy in the history of console gaming! Why would you wish to destroy that?”

I look at him in shock. It’s not because I didn’t know about their console line, of course I knew about that, it’s because his knife is still in my back even though he sliced it through, I’m still pouring out blood here! 

“You idiot, Atari has just as long a history of PC manufacturing, I’m privy to the Atari 800 and the like. Although I am sure that that is why Personal Computer lead me hear in the first place, is so that I could destroy your console line as well. And you know what I think? It doesn’t matter if they die. They were so incompetent that they nearly ended all of video games! It took the Nintendo Family to save all of gaming! Atari’s place in the history should be that of a warning not to be greedy and produce cheap games! GRAAAAAAAAHHHHHSHCK!!!!!” I scream and lunge my body at Atari VCS pulling his knife from my back as I fly in his direction. I plunge it in his chest, and drag down. The gash opens revealing that the stab popped his heart. I then change the direction of the incision, revealing his intestines as they slide out. I hack up some blood, then toss the knife away. No one else will be coming in anymore, so now I need to get to the switch to turn off the life support. Using my arms to drag my body to the switch, I make it, and as my hands grab the switch, my weight collapse onto it. I feel the downward motion as I pass out. 


	16. They Split Up

I wake up. I don’t recognize this ceiling. This is an unfamiliar ceiling. Next to me I see an IV drip into a tube in my wrist. Gosh, I forgot how intense that battle was. I guess I’m in the same hospital, huh? I hop out of bed and wheel the IV bag with me to survey the area. I head to the elevator and try to go to the 26th floor. 

SPECIAL CLEARANCE REQUIRED FOR ACCESS TO THIS FLOOR. 

Guess that settles it then, an emergency happened and they’re all dead. Guess I’ll check out. I head to the front desk, and they hand me all my goods back in a white sterile backpack. I wheel the IV drip back to my house with me so I can change into something more comfortable. 

I flip on my TV to check the news. 

“In a shocking turn of events, the Commodore Clan Castle has been burnt to the ground. We unfortunately report that there were no survivors, and to our understanding everyone was home. I repeat, in a shock…”

I collapse back onto my bed. What a relief. I suppose either Sony Playstation 5 or Nintendo Switch did that. I suppose it’s easy to forget that I’m not the only one working towards this goal here. I turn to the calendar on my wall. Five days left, huh? The Apple Clan is going to be the hardest to defeat. They’re not prone to viruses and they’re by far the biggest clan. I don’t quite know how it’ll be done. 

BZZZT BZZZT

I just wanna lay back down, what’s with the phone call? Gosh, I can still feel the gash in my back. I flip it open. 

“Hell… hello? I saw the caller I.D. Sony Playstation 5, so I get that it’s important, but can you make it quick, I’m not feeling too well right now…” 

“Hanna, I have great news! I’m sure you saw Nintendo Switch finished at the Commodore Clan Castle, but I split off and went to the Apple Plant. You see, they’re so rich they have their own water supply! That made me wonder, what if it received a massive injection of Denuvo serum? I actually waited for tea time, which the Apple Clan is known to participate in. They should be starting soon, so that should solve that little problem too. Well, I figured I’d update you on that little matter. Talk to you later Hanna!” CLICK

I shut my phone. The two largest factions were just defeated without me. I must admit, I’m a little hurt, but in all fairness we are in a rush. This deadline is crucial, after all. At peace, I fall asleep, feeling I can rest for the first time in a long while. 

I wake up. I don’t recognize this ceiling. This is an unfamiliar ceiling. Wait a minute, why is there no IV drip next to me? Why am I not in my room? Curses, someone must have accosted with me in my weakened state! I could have sworn I’d locked my door… It’s no matter. I’m clearly chained down to this bed, and I need to escape. Thankfully I don’t feel different in any of my personal spots. Whoever has kidnapped me has not done anything indecent. A door opens and a light shines through the crack. An obese bumpkin in a black tank top walks in. 

“SEGA Saturn? What are you doing here? Well, you’re not who I’d normally expect to come to my rescue like this, but I guess all consolekind comes together when the going gets rough!” He smirks at me and my smile leaves. 

“You dumb broad, ya think I’m here ta save ya? I’m who put ya here in the first place! Me and SEGA Mega Drive dun locked ya up when that weasel mole in your operation brought ya here! That Microsoft and SEGA deal went through, just a modified under the table deal! We’re helping them take over, and stopping ya from uniting all consoles. After all, it was ME who convinced Nintendo to make that deal with Philips anyway, but convincing them Sony was inbred, when in reality that was us. The Philips CD-I committed suicide long ago anyway so that loose end cleared itself up for us, after all. Either way, I’m here to smack ya up a bit befor… urrgghhhhck…” 

I looked in the distance at the light and saw the young sickly SEGA Dreamcast. There was a burst of steam from her hand. 

“SEGA Dreamcast, did you just attack your father? What possessed you to do that?” She looked at me and gave a weak smile, the poor thing. 

“He made me this sickly little whelp I am. You’re the only person who’s ever tried to help me” She runs up to me and unlocks my chains. 

“Thanks a ton SEGA Dreamcast, let’s escape together. But first…” I look down at the stunned SEGA Saturn and stamp my foot into his head as it pops into bloody bits, greymatter going everywhere. Honestly he deserved it as he would have done the same for me. 


	17. Betrayal at the Shack in the Desert

I had just extinguished SEGA Saturn. I looked over to SEGA Dreamcast. 

“I’m sorry you had to see that. I forgot he was your dad when I did that.” She looked back at me and smiled. 

“Don’t sweat it, he was evil anyway. I don’t blame you. It needed to be done.” That’s a relief to hear. That’ll make working with SEGA Dreamcast easier. We head up the stairs and open the trap door hatch. 

I pop my head out the hatch and make a stunning realization: I was being held captive in the SEGA Shack basement! Is this really just their living room? What a disgustingly impoverished group! SEGA Dreamcast deserves better than this. The vegetable of an old man SEGA SG-1000 was on the couch watching TV. I did my best to use my position to sneak behind. I flicked the back of his head to get his attention. I’m not gonna attack him, because in his current shape there’s no conceivable way he’d pose a threat. 

Suddenly, begins convulsing if only for a second, and then his body goes limp. Holy heck, the thing is so old and decrepit that even a flick caused him to hard crash, beyond repair. I had just accidentally killed SEGA SG-1000. I becon SEGA Dreamcast over. 

“Okay, so here’s the deal. There’s only two left in your family, SEGA Mega Drive, and SEGA Master System. We’re gonna wanna split up and take them one each. You’ll know the terrain best on your side of the house by your room, so I’ll let you check over there. I survey the rest of the house’s opposite side. Got it?” She nods at me and we split off. 

\---

(Scene perspective change for drama because this is intelligent writing, but you probably already knew that)

After hacking my lungs out once more, I finally split off, as instructed. My room, huh? It’s probably for the better. I should take some of my medicine before returning as well, I’ve gone too long without it. I return to my room, and lock the door. I wanna make sure I’m safe while taking my medicine after all, as I’m vulnerable while I take it. I go to my bed and pull the medicine kit from under. When I first took energy from my suppository cable it was really uncomfortable, but to be honest I’ve gotten so used to it the sensation is comforting now, enough so that I’d even say it’s pleasurable. I grab the plug from the cable and attach it, then turn the knobs on the kit controls to send the proper healing energies in me. Gosh, I really should clean this here mess up front, it’s starting to itch. I look like an ape. At least my hair is white so from afar I’m sure it just looks like it blends in with my skin. 

“Medicine time again, young Miss SEGA Dreamcast?” Wait, is someone in my room? I turn around and see SEGA Master System. He is in what looks like a black formal military suit. I fancy mustache adorns his face. Not that any of that matters, how did he get in here? 

“SEGA Master System, I thought you lived in a mansion in South America now, why have you come home all of a sudden?” I was genuinely shocked to see him. I thought he’d abandoned us! 

“It seems SEGA Saturn actually managed to scrap together a plan to return the family to its former glory, so I figured I’d see what he has planned. I wasn’t impressed at first, but in hindsight it’s rather promising. Why is it that you’re working against us?” I frown. 

“I can’t believe my entire family has gone mad. I thought we were here for quality of gaming and improving the gaming ecosystem! Why is it we’re only all here for money? I’m fed up with this. I guess you’re here to put me down, as if I wasn’t going to die tragically young anyway?” Before he can attack me, I’m going to unplug from my machine. I won’t be able to dodge otherwi…

SEGA Master System lunges at me with an 8-bit strike. I hope this works…

As he approaches, I’ve just barely removed the suppository cable in time and slide under his dodge. I toss the plug of the cable into his plug receiver from behind like a dart. His clothes are just as cheap as ours, because even with all his money South America can’t afford to make the nicer clothes to sell him. I then pull at the cord to drag him away from the main console. It worked, the plug snuggly fit, nice! I rush to the console and turn all the dials to max! 

“This system is attuned to 128-bit devices, and I just set the settings for being overclocked! You’re toast!” I watched as he crashed, but in watching him die, I forgot to turn off the machine after. The energy kept going into his corpse and his body exploded, leaving pieces of flesh, organ, and blood on my walls. It was quite frankly disgusting. I had only one worry. I ran to the end of the cord. The plug was destroyed. 


	18. Requiem for a Dreamcast

I leave the room I am currently in. I begin to work my way to the room of the only remaining member of the SEGA family. Unfortunately for me, she is probably the grossest member. SEGA Mega Drive is a woman in an awful mid-life crisis. Her add-ons have deflated, leaving her looking like a hagrid old woman. I creep up to the door, but it swings open on its own. 

“Oooh, it’s you! Haven’t seen you in a while hun! Ya know, I always thought you were such a cutie! We don’t hafta fight! Why don’t you come here and give mama a little kiss!” 

SEGA Mega Drive began shoving her bubblas in my face while shaking her bubblies behind. This woman clearly doesn’t have problems like Nintendo Switch and I do, but that’s only because she doesn’t wear that protective layer of underclothing. What an indecent person! I try to push her off, but she isn’t letting up. How annoying! God, this is really like that one anime I watched with my best friend, but I’d much rather not it continue. My voice is muffled as I speak. 

“Hey, can you get your bubblas off of my face? You’re kinda sweaty so they’re sticky and smelly…” I plead with her. 

“Huh…? Are ya not attracted to me? I invested so much into my Mega-CDs and 32X and you can’t even humour me enough to give me the time of the day? I’ve lived more than thirty years and you can’t even dignify me with a flirtatious wink???” SEGA Mega Drive tosses me to the ground and stomps her foot on my back. This isn’t good. 

I manage to roll over, forcing my body from under her foot. The pressure applied from the stomp made it hard, but I managed. She stumbled as I came out, and now, on my back, from my back, I donkey kick her bubblas. The sound that followed was deafening. There was a loud pop and release of air, and I look up slowly. SEGA Mega Drive’s chest had depleted, leaving sagging blobs of skin. I knew her add-ons were nothing but cheap junk. That must mean…

I extend my leg out to trip the now bawling SEGA Mega Drive, who was holding the remains of her faux womanly wiles. She falls flat on her face, and I stomp down much like she did, though this time on her bubblies, much like she did to my back earlier. The ear-piercing pop from earlier repeated. Her behind was now a similarly look pathetic pile of skin. It was disgusting, but to be frank, she looked more disgusting with them. 

“I want to spare you because I know you’d be more miserable living without them, but I unfortunately can’t allow myself to take that risk.” I spat this at her. She cried at me. 

“God please, end me now! I can’t live without my add-ons! How will I stay young and hip?” 

“Oh SEGA Mega Drive. Your birth was the genesis of the SEGA family’s failure. Want to know why?” She nods at me slowly. 

“It’s because you were dated garbage before you were born. Those add-ons only made you more dated!” I reach into one of her popped bubblas to access her heart and rip it out. Blood spurts from the open bubbla as SEGA Mega Drive Collapses. I toss the heart aside. It wasn’t going to stay good for much longer anyway. 

I meet with SEGA Dreamcast finally. She speaks up first. 

“Hanna… I managed to beat SEGA Master System… but…” She doesn’t finish what she’s saying. I don’t think she planned to. 

“Well, I defeated SEGA Mega Drive, so it’s just you then, SEGA Dreamcast. Thankfully, you’re the only one who can be trusted. It’s definitely late though, so we should rest. Would you like to stay the night at my place tonight? I understand if staying here is weird. Wait, can you do that? Your medicine kit probably can’t leave, and you need that!” SEGA Dreamcast looks at me sadly. 

“No Hanna, I’d love to join you. It’ll be okay.” She looks at me more seriously now. 

“By the way, Hanna, can you do me a favor? Just call me Dreamcast from now on. I don’t intend to associate with my rotten family anymore.” 


	19. Sleepover!

Dreamcast is staying over, which is exciting because I’ve never had a guest over! Oh boy, that’s the doorbell, so that must be her! 

Excitedly, I answer the door and see my guest. 

“Thanks for having me over Hanna, things are a little weird right now so I’m glad you’re so understanding. I brought some surprises though, so I’m sure we can have fun tonight!” She looked so sweet and pure. 

“Well, come right in then!” My place was already clean, but I doubled down and made sure the place was extra clean for this. 

Dreamcast was setting up for me to interface with her as The Gamer. Perhaps she wanted to play a game? It was strange though, the game she was loading had a copyright logo from the last ten years…

“Dreamcast, what is this? I’ve played all your games before and I have no idea as to what this is!” She smiled at me and did a light laugh. 

“I can’t believe you of all people don’t know this Hanna! Being the last of the SEGA consoles, naturally, games still would come out for me!” I shrugged and went to play. The game turned out to be great! I can’t believe I missed out on these! I made Dreamcast promise me we’d play more in the morning. 

As Dreamcast and I were wrapping up, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, Farley. He wanted to spend the night, which would really make this the most interesting night at my own house ever, so of course I said yes! In a flash, he was over, and we were even sleeping in the same room, and he was on a palette next to my bed. Farley finally gets up and places his arms on my bedside, chin on his hands. Seeing this, I scoot out of bed and sit next to him on the floor, seeing he clearly wants to talk. 

“Hanna, I want to try something fun. Trust me, and go along with what I do. I promise you’ll enjoy it.” Farley has never done me wrong, so I nod my head in agreement. Farley places his hand on my bubbla and gives it a light squeeze. I push it down immediately, this makes me super uncomfortable. 

“Hey, you’re not supposed to touch that, Farley, I’m still learning how all this works so I’m really not comfortable with any of that type of stuff. My new best friend promised me to help figure that stuff out!” Farely’s grin just widens. 

“You can learn by trying it. Like I said, trust me!” Farely says, as he tries to pull off my nightgown. He absolutely cannot be allowed to do that, I don’t wear my top underwear in my nightgown so I can sleep comfortably! 

“Hanna, look. I only hang around you and your annoying friends because you have a hot body, so you’re going to give me what I want or there’ll be consequences!” His smile is gone, and there is only anger. 

“No!” I yell. 

Farley punches me as hard as he can, taking sight away from my eye. With muted depth perception, I know I wouldn’t be able to land a hit on him, and the Fan Shortage Technique would certainly not work on an interfacer! I had no idea what to do. I panicked. I screamed. 

Farley was approaching me. It seemed my only choice was to submit, but as I was going to let my body go limp as to not symbolically give myself to him, but to also not struggle so he didn’t hit me again, from the back corner, at the door I could see Dreamcast running in! She rushed at Farley and socked him at the head, leaving bad cut to bleed in the back, but in return Dreamcast seemed completely drained of energy and out of it. Farley readred up and punched Dreamcast down. 

“Hanna you fool, this vile thing has tainted you with Homebrew games made by illegitimate developers! You’ve lost your holy spirit as The Gamer! I haven’t gotten what I wanted, but as the interfacer of Personal Computer, whom I have kept updated this entire time, I will get my revenge on you, no matter what!” Farley flees the room, and I assume, my house. 

I stumble over to Dreamcast as fast as I can, and beg her to speak to me. 

“Hanna, I need to tell you something. I came to your house knowing it would be my grave. My only source of medication was destroy in the fighting back at the SEGA shack. I’m glad you could be such a good friend to me. Thank you.” Dreamcast goes limp in my arms. I close her eyelids shut, not wanting to see them power down. 

“You truly were my best friend. If only this stupid boy hadn’t torn us apart.” 

Today, I learned something. I decided that some people need to be punished and stopped at all costs, especially to protect what you care about. No level of spilled blood and gore is too much in the name of that cause. 


	20. Chase for Vengeance

Having learned my lesson, I deeply internalized it and immediately chased after Farley. I didn’t care that I was in no condition to fight back, but I couldn’t let him get away with this. He had torn me from my best friend, and this was unforgivable. Even if he were to have not been evil, if I had to choose between a boyfriend and a best friend, in this instance, I’d choose the best friend every time. 

I don’t know how I’d even fight him. I guess just with my brain power, because I don’t think brawn will beat him when he already landed such a solid hit on me. What I did know was he was certainly going to retreat to Personal Computer’s mansion to inform them of his loss of position as a spy. I’d prefer he didn’t receive backup. 

As I’m rushing to the mansion, I fall flat on my face. Great, now my knees and elbows are scraped bloody, that won’t be an annoyance. A voice rang out from behind me. 

“Tsk, tsk, tsk! It appears The Gamer has lost control! Little does she know, we’ve already been informed. Makes a surprise attack all the easier!” An ambush! I should have prepared myself for this. I roll over to my left, assuming an attack would be coming from above. And like clockwork, the bell played as I was given the answer I wanted. Next to me on the ground was now what looked like this tubby boy in a white t-shirt and shorts. Unfortunately for me, I knew this do be the dwarf Microsoft X-Box 360, here to pick on me while I’m down. Surely for him, this must be cathartic, as he must be used to the same treatment, given his stature. I pull myself up and attempt to run at him, but my nightgown got caught in the brush beside me. Pineapple juice! In my blind rage I forgot I was still only in my nightgown. No wonder I felt so comfortable… 

The comfort is nice, but what isn’t nice is the counterattack I received as a result. Microsoft X-Box 360 sends a giant punch in my direction which sends my lower leg in the opposite direction of how it’s supposed to bend. I fall back to the ground, and the caught part of my nightgown rips, leaving it at more of a mini-skirt length then the length of a normal skirt it sat at. Not classy at all, but that’s not what matters right now. This attack only serves to further enrage me. 

“You don’t know how badly you just buttered this up. Your muffins are baked, and I don’t mean all that skin below your chest, either. DIE, YOU MONSTER! NO ONE WILL EVER FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT HAS BEEN ALLOWED TO HAPPEN TODAY!” I let out a blood-curdling battle cry as I use what energy I can muster to have my other leg spring my entire body weight onto him. Thankfully he’s short so I don’t need too much. I latch onto him with my good leg and one arm, and the other gouges out his eyes, so he can’t see what’s going to happen to him. I glance at him as he screams. 

“I can tell you’re JTAGged, so you deserve every bit of this.” I stick my fingers in his nose and pull up, ripping of the cartilage that makes up the nose. I begin to twist his neck, hopping to pop it off. 

“Hanna, please, stop! This isn’t like you! Please calm down and come to your senses!” That wasn’t Microsoft X-Box 360. Who the heck was it then? Running into my limited view is Nintendo Switch. 

“Hanna, I know you’ve been through a lot, but this isn’t going to solve anything. We need to stop them, but this is inhumane. If you continue to act like this, you’ll turn into them! Hanna, please, stop the senseless violence!” I lose grip of Microsoft X-Box 360. He collapses beside me. He appears to have died quite early into my attack. I look at my hands. Blood covered. 

“Nintendo Switch, you’re right. This is going too far. I’d won a long time ago. I want to make something clear though. Some enemies will require this level of violence in the future. Those who are stronger. This guy, not so strong. I could have stopped. The Fan Shortage Technique is clean, I should keep to that. From now on, spilled blood and gore is a last resort. I promise.” 

Nintendo Switch seems satisfied with my answer, so she hands me something. I’d regonize this anywhere. 

“Nintendo Switch, how did you get ahold of this rare chicken leg? These aren’t easy to come by!” She just smiles and laughs. 

“You clearly need this more than ever, so just eat it!” I crawl over to her legs and give her a hug of thanks. The spirit of a best friend can be in anyone I suppose. I eat the rare chicken leg. Suddenly, I regain depth perception. I also realize that I can bend my leg back like it’s supposed to! Not going to lie, I had my doubts, but eating a rare chicken leg is really the best thing you can do when you feel ill! I hug Nintendo Switch one last time. 

“I have to go now. There’s some unfinished business at home I need to attend to.” 

As I open my door, the sun had just finished rising. It’s morning, and we have three days to the anniversary. In the corner of my room is Dreamcast, looking like she’s blissfully napping. Console corpses stay clean, and don’t rot. I decide to go clean up her body and replace her ruined clothes. I’m taking her back to the Playstation Park. There, I’ll have a memorial to her made. She was pivitol to the plan, and that needs to be recognized. 


	21. Memorial Making

After my fight with Microsoft X-Box 360 the previous night, I decided to go ahead and sleep. I still woke up bright and early, but the minimal sleep will still help with my energy today. I woke up and got dressed. If I fight anyone today, there certainly won’t be any wardrobe issues. I’m getting tired of that being an issue, not going to lie. 

I left my home and locked the door like a normal homeowner should, with Dreamcast slung over my shoulder fireman style. I had plans for her, so she was coming with me. The walk was peaceful, and for me, quite reflective. I really had been through a lot, and while I don’t think I’d want to do things the same way again if I got a repeat, I do think I’m coming out of this a better person. I’d certainly want to play Dreamcast’s newer games with her again. 

Finally, I arrived at Playstation Park. 

“Friends, I have here the body of our early ally, Dreamcast. Having shirked her family name, she was one of our most valuable allies. Early this morning, as the night turned over to midnight, she was taken from us defending me from Farely, who had turned out to be a Personal Computer Spy. Here, at the center of the park, I’d like to make a memorial to her to honor her memory.” 

I place her in the grass patch toward the center of the park, legs down together, arms out to her sides. Admittedly, I cried a tear as I did this. Nintendo Switch holds my shoulder to comfort. 

“We have today, tomorrow, and the day after to perform the ceremony. Three days total to wipe out the remainder of the Microsoft Mafia. The ceremony will leave us incredibly vulnerable to attack, so we’ll have to finish before the day of. Of course there’s Microsoft X-Box One and Microsoft X-Box Series X, but Personal Computer and Farley are also threats to worry about. Perhaps we should attack Microsoft X-Box One, as it’s the youngest. Maybe that’d make him the easiest to defeat?” Sony Playstation 5 spoke to the onlooking crowd of heroic consoles. It was then a pink gas began to be emitted as we were planning what to do next. All of a sudden, all my console friends collapsed. Nintendo Switch’s body fell into mine. Plush as ever, guess that means she’s healthy. I check for life, but it seems she was forced into rest mode. I would assume the same could be said for all the Sony Playstation consoles here. A figure swooped in from above. 

“I hope you aren’t attempting to prepare the ceremony without me!” In front of me was a man in a Hawaiin shirt and khakis. 

“Microsoft X-Box One! Just who I wanted to see. I’ll keep this clean. I’ve grown tired of arduous hard fights, and need an easy moral booster.” I smile after saying this, and point my finger at him. Microsoft X-Box One just grabs at his chest and falls over. Everyone wakes up. 

“What happen… GASP!!! Why is Microsoft X-Box One here? Everyone be careful!” Nintendo Switch kinda panicked, but I smiled and assured her. 

“Do not worry. I have calmly handled it. I managed to internally damage his fans so there was no mess. The Technique has prevailed again.” Switch grows the sweetest grin on her face, and I’m attacked with a hug. 

“Hanna… thank you…” I smile and return the embrace. 

After tossing the body of Microsoft X-Box One out, we begin to finish the Dreamcast Memorial. It is a beautiful sight, with her back and center, forming an altar for which we will use in the future. Spiritually and physically, Dreamcast will be here for the return of Gaming’s Savior.


	22. Peaking Microsoft Mafia

“Welcome back to being turned on, my console friends! Now that you are turned on, we can all get back to work!” I smile as all the consoles laugh at my funny joke. I continue to speak. 

“Well, as it stands, there should only be one true member left of the Microsoft Mafia: Microsoft X-Box Series X. Clearly, we should go after him next, being the youngest remaining member of their Mafia. I misspoke about Microsoft X-Box One last chapter, so you’ll all have to forgive me. Any intel on his whereabouts?” Sony Playstation 4 speaks up. 

“Well, my understanding, based on what hidden camera footage outside the mansion shows, is that Microsoft X-Box Series X guards the mansion door, and Personal Computer, of course, resides within.” Interesting information. I think I’ve hatched an idea baby. 

There was a peak kinda close to the mansion that I doubt he’d accounted for. I’ll just swoop in from above and focus the energy of the Fan Shortage Technique down below. This is a fool proof plan! 

I brought a hang glider with me to the peak of the incline, and would set sail down air to the mansion. The wind today was optimal for this, so I did the hand symbol to really focus in on the front area of the mansion. I landed on top of the mansion, and just leaped back off to the cliff. I guess I need to double check the mansion, so I’ll head up there and check up on it. 

I approach the mansion. There’s definitely a body at the door. Stange. It looks almost of it was shorter than the Microsoft X-Box Series X. I’m going to keep my eyes peeled. I feel a trap coming on…

And right I was to expect a trap, as standing behind me, I would find out was a man in long Khaki slacks and a long sleeved Hawaiin style shirt. attacked from behind, I was knocked upside the head and made unconscious. I would awake in a dungeon, and this would lead me to assume I was in the mansion cellar, a basement area to be sure. Guess I was captured. God, this war is so tiring. I need to do better about bringing backup from now on. This keeps happening. In front of me, grimacing, was what appeared to be Microsoft X-Box Series X. 

“What was that in front of the mansion? How in the world did you manage to create that illusion?” I remained calm in asking. I was impressed by this ability, to tell the truth. I doubt it reflects the quality of gaming on Microsoft consoles, but some of the side abilities that have nothing to do with games can be neat, if not pointless. 

“One of the few secrets we’ve managed to keep was the birth of two new consoles at once. What you destroyed was my younger twin, Microsoft X-Box Series S! You’ve truly blundered, this time gamer. And do you want to know what’s best about all this? The keys to your cell are on the other side of the room, so even if you kill me you’ll be stuck waiting on no one to find you!” He hysterically laughs. 

“You’d be best keeping me alive, as the only chance for you to escape is convincing me to let you. You’d better figure out something that’d convince me. Either way, you can kiss that anniversary goodbye! Personal Computer is PERSONALLY going to be invading Playstation Park to destroy the other consoles. Heck, I may just let you go after he’s returned with the good news. You’re the only person who stands a chance against him, but after consolekind is wiped out your existence doesn’t matter either way. Son congrats on failing to save all consolekind!” 

Unfortunately, it seemed Microsoft X-Box Series X was right about me being cornered. I lowered my head in defeat and curled into the prison bed. As I lie there, I would remember something important. My hope grew as I recalled, and I began to focus my energy in a way I’d never tried before...


	23. Break-In City

From the bed, I send out my energy. A message, on that will be obtained by a recepient of my choice, so that they will know that I am in danger and come to my rescue! 

“I’m calling out to a friend, one I’ve met before and know can save me! New Japan Project Neo Geo! I need your help! I am trapped in the clutches of the Microsoft Mafia! Only you can save me! Please, I beg of you!” 

I wake up in my bed. The nap was mediocre, but hey, I’m rested. I suppose I should ready myself for the rest of my day. I knew the time was near, so I should ready for it. Suddenly, I receive psychic messages on the old console art wavelength. They say: 

“I’m calling out to a friend, one I’ve met before and know can save me! New Japan Project Neo Geo! I need your help! I am trapped in the clutches of the Microsoft Mafia! Only you can save me! Please, I beg of you!” 

Oh god help us! The Gamer has been captured. I suppose the time has come. Unfortunately, she failed to give me a location to travel to in her message… I suppose I’ll have to do something I didn’t want to have to do. I’ll have to interact with other people to find out where she went! 

I suppose I should head to the Playstation Park. As the all-knowing New Japan Project Neo Geo, I would know ahead of time that that is where the console base of operations is centered, so of course that’s where I go first. I walk in to the central area. Young faces, none of whom I recognize. I never knew the Playstation Family, and it seems they only keep the youngest member of the Nintendo Family around, so I’m a stranger to these folks. 

“Is that? I’d only read of him in the history books!” one of the consoles yelled out. I smile. Amusing, the legacy I possess. Everyone knows of the great New Japan Project Neo Geo! 

“Yes, can you take me to someone who knows the whereabouts of The Gamer?” I ask. 

“W-why, yes, of course!” the younger man takes me to a young girl, looks younger than him. Perky and preppy, I see! 

“Young madam, could you tell me the whereabouts of The Gamer?” 

“Oh, you must be New Japan Project Neo Geo! Of course, she was taking on a member of the Microsoft Mafia as a part of a stealth mission. Is something wrong?” 

“It’s looking so, but if it’s this dangerous, none of you need to follow me. I’ll handle this myself.” With that, I depart to the Personal Computer Mansion, the only place such a mission would take place and need to be a stealth mission. 

I storm in the front of the mansion. I enter the wide open door and pay the body no mind. Clearly, she must have been flanked and handled at least one of her foes. As I enter the foyer, I finally am close enough to the source of the message that I can tell where the message came from. I didn’t even tell The Gamer about that part of the ability, but it shouldn’t matter. 

I rush into the basement to find a sleeping Microsoft Mafia member at the desk. Bad job of keeping watch, I see. I glance at him funny, and his breathing appears to stop. True mastery at its core. 

“Master New Japan Project Neo Geo! You’ve finally made it!” she says to me. 

“It was not a problem at all. Now tell me, where are the keys?” I glance around the room looking for the way to break her out. 

“Over there” she replies, pointing in the direction. 

I grab the keys and free her, when as the door opens I’m blindsided by a new attacker. I look up and see not a console, but a man. 

“Master New Japan Project Neo Geo, that’s Farely, the interfacer of Personal Computer! The Fan Shortage Technique won’t work on him!” She panics as she tells me this. 

“The Gamer, you must go and fight Personal Computer! I’ll handle this guy! Don’t worry about me. Everything you know, I can do better!” I reassure her and she darts out of the room. 

“All right, Farely! You’re going down today! I wouldn’t give you any chance more to harm her!” I charge at him, having to try something else, but then, from the walls, several chans appear and tie me up. 

“Oh, New Japan Project Neo Geo. You stood no chance here. I think you knew that, too. However, our time has bought Hanna all the time she’s going to need to combat Personal Computer. Oh well. Suppose I should end this fast, so I can take some of that time away.” Farley scoffs at me, and the chains tighten around my throat, lobbing my head off. Before I die, my disembodied head smiles, knowing I’d achieved my task. The Gamer received the last of my power when she left the room. Personal Computer would be no problem for her. 


	24. Personal Problems with Personal Computer

I run out of the room. I was trusted with this task, so I’ll have to hope that Mast New Japan Project Neo Geo was okay. As I get the the foyer, I stop for a second. Better play it safe. I channel my energy and send it out once again. That should help out if things get hairy. Anyway, next I go upstairs. Personal Computer will almost certainly be in his study, as usual. It was his favorite roosting spot. 

I get up there and sitting in his chair reading, is, of course, Personal Computer, waiting for me to attack, but will he be ready for me, or rather, would I, be ready for him? We’ll see soon. 

“Oh, is that who I think it is behind me?” Personal Computer peers his head over at me and stands up. He places his book on his desk and approaches me. 

“The Gamer, it seems the time for us to fight is here. I suppose it was ignorant of me to send my inferior console minions at you, given that you’re meant to be the master of all consoles. Unfortunately for you, I shall not have that issue!” Personal Computer claps his hands twice, and suddenly I feel my energies for power stagnate. It’s a hard to explain sensation, but I could feel the power there, I just couldn’t… release it. 

“What have you done? I should be able to end you in an instant? Personal Computer, I DEMAND you tell me what you’ve done!” I yell at him. There is no fear, only rage. 

“Haha, oh Hanna, you pathetic little whelp. If only you could manage to attack me or do anything to help yourself! Alas, I have targeted my Psychokinetic Causality at you. This ability, of course, inhibits your Fan Shortage Technique. Good thing too, as my fans are faulty, I just found out. That would have been a violently bad end for me. I have a liquid cooling system in the mail, so when that arrives, you’ll have no chance against me! ACKACKACKACKACK!!!” PErsonal Computer wears heimself out laughing, he starts panting. 

“Well, anyway, I had Amazon instant drone delivery selected for this, so you have very little time left. In the meantime, I’ll just destroy you before the doorbell rings.” He says, trying to calm himself down. Wait, would a drone even be able to ring a doorbell. And isn’t the corpse of Microsoft X-Box Series S still at the door? See, this is why people who only play Personal Computer games are stupid. They shut themselves in all day and don’t ever go out into the real world. Console gamers are healthy because they have to go play local with each other and see the outside world. 

Personal Computer uses more of his psychotic powers to slam and hold me against the wall. Welp, he may be stupid but I guess he’s strong too. Unfortunate. 

“Well, young miss Hanna, maybe I’ll spare you and put you back in that Dungeon. Maybe Farley would enjoy using some personal time in there with you!” No thought disgusted me more than this. I lost all control upon hearing this utter insult. Nothing could stop my anger now! 

“FUCK YOU PERSONAL COMPUTER! WHEN I GET AHOLD OF YOU I WILL RIP YOU APART LIMB FROM LIMB AND THEN USE YOUR PARTS TO BEAT FARLEY TO DEATH AND THEN RIP HIS PARTS APART SO THAT HE CAN’T EVEN BE RECOGNIZED!!!” 

The door opens not long after I yell, and below me in shock is Nintendo Switch! 

“Hanna, you’re going to need to calm down! I heard you from the first floor. I got your message. You must’ve known you’d need back up, right? We’ll I’m here to save you! Together, we can handle this responsibly!” I start to tear up. What would I do without my best friend to support me and help me handle my foes? Nintendo Switch lunges at Personal Computer, who is levitating at the center of the room. With a shoulder to his chest, he falls to the ground from the hit. This clearly offs his concentration, and I collapse onto the ground, gravity leading my fall into however I’d be positioned had I not braced myself. My undone hair looking messy around me as I lie there, I simply just think of Personal Computer’s death. My hair in my face so I don’t see what happens, but I hear a violent explosion and feel specks of flesh and blood land on and around me. I immediately perk up, my face shocked. 

“Oh god! His faulty fans shorting must have caused a violent overreaction with the Fan Shortage Technique! I’m sorry Nintendo Switch. It appears the spilled blood and gore was unavoidable this time.” She just smiles back at me. 


	25. Tricky Trial

Immediately following the defeat of Personal Computer, Nintendo Switch and I hear a voice over the mansion intercom system. 

“Hahahaha! You fools managed to mercilessly kill Personal Computer. Rather bloody affair, wasn’t it? Well, suffice to say this Personal Computer was rather out of date, wasn’t it? A new generation of consoles just came out, and he failed to upgrade to the new hardware that had just came out that was compatible with him. He would have been at least TWO generations ahead of Microsoft X-Box Series X had he done so. Lazy piece of garbage had it coming of course. So now, to defeat me, you’ll need to join me on the roof. That is, if you can even make it on the roof! BaHAHAHAHA!!!” 

I frown at his mocking of our defeat of Personal Computer. Idiot needs to learn sometimes winning just is that way. Whatever

I look at Nintendo Switch and she nods back with a smirk. Our desire to destroy this pervert matched, we run to the stairs and eventually make it to the top floor before the roof. Unfortunately for us, the last set of stairs were locked away, with a signpost in the center room. 

“In order to defeat me, you must solve my puzzles three!” What a waste of time, I’m gonna have to beat him harder for this now. He’s just prolonging the inevitable to fill time, what a jerk! Who does something like this??? 

“Welp, let’s take a look at this first puzzle,” I say to Nintendo Switch and look over at the first pedestal. It’s a 1000 piece jigsaw. Wow this really is just here to waste time. He didn’t even leave the box to give us an idea of what it looks like! This is proof that he’s the most evil foe we’ve battled yet! 

“Huuuuuuuhh… Well Hanna, better get started…” Nintendo Switch sighs to me as I begin to collect the border pieces and she begins to organize the pieces by color. We work at it for a couple of hours but thankfully this was an easier jigsaw, all things considered. Lots of detail and unique objects, once we figured out what it was supposed to be. 

We walk over to the second table. A scroll sat on it, so we read it. 

“What came first, the chicken or the egg?” Nonsense, but I think I have a clever answer in mind. 

“Neither. The ancestor of the chicken came first. HaShem put prehistoric animals on Earth so they could evolve, after all.” I put the pencil down and the pillar with the riddle sank down. Guess I got it right. 

“All right, last one!” We walk up to the final trial. 

“Are you kidding me? This is just a Calculus test! No, I refuse! This is ridiculous! Have we tried just destroying the door?” I’m def up and Nintendo Switch is too. She walks up to the barrier in front of the stairs and puts her hands to it. The barrier crumbles and the stairs look like regular, safe stairs. 

“Almighty, help me! Guess we’re finally moving on!” Nintendo Switch and I charge upstairs. We took so long that it’s getting late. Thankfully we’re a day ahead of schedule so the wasted time shouldn’t hurt us. 

Clapping as we arrive, is him. It’s time to finally get my vengeance on this human scum. This waste of life who you probably couldn’t trust around your kids. It’s time to end Farley’s life. I don’t care if there’s spilled blood and gore here. This is the one person in the world who deserves it. 

“Oh, Hanna. It seems you’ve finally arrived.  Took you long enough. Were you too stupid to solve my puzzles? I see you scored a stunning 0% on the math test, pathetic. What are you gonna do to me now? Short my fans? Good luck, idiot, there’s no fans to be had.” 

Nintendo Switch lunges up at him, but bounces off of nothing before even making contact. 

“Wha… what was that?” she asks, all confused like. 

“My energy shield, idiot. You won’t be able to attack me. I’m invincible!” He slowly starts to approach Nintendo Switch, bad intent in his eyes. 

“NO! I WON’T LET YOU!” I scream out running up to him. I have no idea what I’m gonna do when I get there. There has to be a trick! 


	26. Climactic Battle!

I charge at Farley, I refuse to let him near her, after all! I know the kind of harm he’s capable of. I throw my foot in his direction, expecting to bounce off. I can only hope it slows him and turns his attention at least. 

KAPOW!

That… hit? I landed the strike. A few feet in front of me was Farley on his side. What did I do to cause this? Hope welled up in me, he’s defeatable. At the very least Nintendo Switch should be okay. I run over to her. 

“Are you okay? Did he hit you?” I manage to ask not so panicked, the relief of me hitting him helped with that. 

“Uhh… yeah. I got a scratch under my eye, but nothing bad. Hanna, look out!” But it was too late. I was sent across the roof by Farley, hit in my back. Agghhh, gee! I’m pretty fed up with him! But that leaves Nintendo Switch by herself! 

“Hanna you idiot! I don’t know how you did that, but it’s not gonna happen again!” Nintendo Switch is just mindlessly slamming her fists against Farley’s barrier. 

“Your idiot friend here clearly hasn’t figured it out, and I doubt you have either. I suppose it’s time I end this for your friend!” He picks her up and slams her on the ground.

“I don’t think she’ll be moving for a second, so I’ll come finish you too. Who knows, maybe when you’re still I can finally get what I wanted all this time, hehe.” He comes chasing after me. I barely manage to get myself up, so running isn’t an option. My only choice is to try and counterattack, but with his shield up that isn’t gonna happen. 

He lunges at me with a running punch, but I manage to get my leg out at him mid punch before he can reach me and punch. He trips over from the force of my leg. Huh? I hit him when he tried to hit me. Is that the trick? I go to stomp him down after he falls but bounce off his shield. That must be it! That makes it a war of attrition, but I don’t know if I have the energy to do it on my own. I suppose he’ll have to get up next so I’ll focus my energy on being ready for that. 

Turns out I was wrong, because I found myself on the ground, him having pulled my leg down from below. 

“Wow, lotta motion up there Hanna… You not bothering to keep them steady?” He stares into my eyes and smirks. 

“Whh wh wha? What in the heck are you talking about?” I flash red. 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. Did you do that for me? Have you changed your mind after all Hanna? I didn’t think you’d be so forward about it! Well, we can stop fighting here and now if you’d like, and pick up where we left off. We’ll just toss Nintendo Switch off of the roof, whatever happens to her happens, and we’ll get to business. How does that sound?” 

“You’re insane! My parents just won’t buy me underclothing that fit so I stopped wearing them! I just hoped this would be a sign that something absolutely needed to change, it is one of the few things I could do to fight back so I did it. You get everything you want and more from your Aunt Cuntsley, so I’m sure you wouldn’t get it. I’m going to kill you, Farley, and you will deserve the spilled blood and gore that comes of it. Got that?” I use my other foot to kick away from him and make him let go. I bounce off his shield, which I knew would happen, but what I had forgotten was that we were at the edge of the roof, so I nearly fell. I barely grab the edge of the roof as not to fall. Farley stares down at me, pacing back and forth. 

“You really were a hot piece of meat, Hanna. It’s too bad I’m gonna have to kill you now. Don’t worry though. I’m gonna push you down a hand at a time. The fingers thing is cliche.” 

I guess this is it. I’m sorry Sony Playstation family. Nintendo Switch, you helped me so much. Dreamcast, you taught me so much. I’ll never forget you all. 

From above, I saw a figure fall to the ground, and I heard a bit of a splat. Someone grabbed my hand. Am I being pulled up? I look down at the mess below. Farley. That can only mean…

“Nintendo Switch, is that you? The one pulling me up? I thought he destroyed you?” I was crying tears of joy at this point. I’m finally up, and I just hug her. No words to be said. We’d finally done it. The fight was over. 


End file.
